The Poetry of Junk
I happened to get into the “Junk” file of one of my email accounts the other day, and thought the headers there made a kind of strange poem of our times. (For those who wonder why no political stuff here, that all seems to go to my other email account’s junk file).
“Notes From the 21st Century Virtual Circular File”
# 1 Heart Killer?
Blood Sugar Defense!
Air Protect Pro
Air Protect Amateur
Relief Cure Laser
Nuubu — Give Your Body a Cleanse While You Sleep!
Plastic Sheets On Special
CBD Gummies — Special Offer from Martha Stewart
Home Re-Decorating Without Anxiety
CBD Gummies Galore! More flavors than Jelly Beans!
Tactical Air Drone. Watch the Neighbors! Protect Your Property!
Nerve Damage Warning. Soon it will be too late!
Special Oil! Works for your car or your hair!
Dick’s Rifle Range: Take Our Quick Training
Fix Your Mental State . . . Now
Get More MPG
20 Second Pain Fix
Pump Your Own Stomach With This Amazing Device!
Dr. Seuss and His Friends
Identity Cancellation: It Could Happen to You
Footy Massager Carpet
Terminix Pest Control
My Injury Advocate
No More Wrinkles!
Frozen Face Release Therapy
Pain Free Life
Bye Bye Fat!
Quality Healing News
Get Your Life Back!
P.S. Just to be on the up and up, I did invent five of these, hopefully adding to the humor quotient (game: guess which five are ringers). Several male readers have noted the absence of the ubiquitous ads for “penile enlargement.” As it happened, I didn’t have any of those in this month’s junk file (so far), but might have chosen not to include them if I had, in the interest of keeping things more or less PG.